How to Do a Keg Stand

Steps

1. Tap the keg and have some beers. You'll feel better about the
   task at hand and it tests how well you tapped the keg before you put
   your face near it.
   
2. Round up your 3 helpful friends. On subsequent attempts all
   3 may not be needed, but if you're all just learning, this will work
   best.
   
3. Pump/prime the keg so it's ready to go.
   
4. Agree on a 'stop/get-me-down"' signal for you (the drinker)
   to use. You won't be able to talk or use your arms so a signal such as
   "3 short grunts" or "bending both knees" is preferable.
   
5. Pick the 2 strongest of your 3 friends. They will be the
   'lifters'. The lifters' job is to 1)help you into the proper keg stand
   position 2)help you stay there 3)help you get down fairly gracefully
   when you're done.
   
6. The 3rd friend will operate whatever kind of valve releases
   the beer from the keg at the end of the hose on the tap. All taps are
   different, so it depends on your tap, but you get the idea.
   
7. Stand with the keg (which in the best case scenario will be
   lifted off the ground slightly, like on a stool or in a trash can full
   of ice) in front of you. Have the lifters stand to the left and right
   of the drinker, facing each other. The valve operator should stand
   whereever is easiest, most likely opposite the drinker.
   
8. Grasp the handles of the keg, or the handles of the trash
   can the keg is in and bend at the waist. Each lifter should grab one of
   your legs, somewhere around the knee. The valve-person should insert
   the valve/spout of the tap into the your mouth, but don't start yet.
   (This may seem like a lousy job, but it's really important).
   
9. On the count of 3, all these things happen: Push using arm
   and body strength, gently flinging legs sky-ward into the classic
   'hand-stand' position. Don't worry, this is easier than it sounds
   because you have help. The lifters should help you get into said
   'hand-stand' postion by lifting the legs in an arc and guiding you up.
   Once there, hold steady. Once you are up, the valve operator will
   release the valve and hence the beer into your mouth.
10. Consume as much beer as possible in said position, then
    give the agreed upon stop/get-signal. The lifters should then help you
    back into the standing position and the valve-operator should stop the
    flow of beer.
    
11. Celebrate! You did it! Switch-up and lift for your friend!
    

Tips

• The more you weigh, the more lifters you need. If in doubt,
  just use more lifters. A 3rd lifter can either stand near your waist or
  grab both feet. With 4 lifters, just put 2 to a side. Falling down from
  this position is a major party foul and hurts so be careful.
  
• If you are holding the handles of the keg, they may be wet
  or just hard to hold on to. Consider putting a dishrag or something
  over them for padding.
  
• Breathe through your nose! (Yeah it's obvious, but there is alcohol involved so...).
  
• Competing to see how long you can hold a keg stand is an
  age-old party game, but if it's your first time, just try to get the
  concept, then kick their butts on round 2.
  

Warnings

• Most doctors and government higher-ups say that binge drinking is bad. This probably qualifies as binge drinking.
  
• People under 21 should not (by law) consume alcohol.
  
• Never drink and drive!
  

Things You'll Need

• Keg
  
• Tap
  
• 3 Helpful and Trustworthy Friends.
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